Timmy

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Timmy; Drable
Topic Started: Mar 15 2009, 12:09 PM (464 Views)
Anachronist	Mar 15 2009, 12:09 PM Post #1
Time Keeper Posts: 32 Group: Members Member #26 Joined: Mar 14, 2009 Steam ID watchman42	((A.N: There was a picture that went with this, and I have it on my computer, but the site won't let me upload it without an internet URL. So hopefully, the story still makes sense.)) "Come on, smile!" "He's just going to pout as long as that camera's in his face." "Quiet, Crissy, and just let your brother take a nice photo." The camera shudders once, twice, three times, you're out. Little Timmy Blackwell, along with his sixteen-year-old sister Crissy, were taken to the most depressing place for a sort-of family to go for a vacation: a demolished amusement park. Granted they didn't know it was demolished when they set off, but chalk it up to Dad's poor planning skills and complete ineptitude to use a computer led to this unfortunate impasse, made all the more worse by the lingering memories of ghosts of the past. "Dad, let's just go. There's nothing to do," Crissy moaned. Truth be told, she actually didn't want to leave; she wanted nothing more than to stay here and wallow in the self-pity and depression that were closing in on her heart, but she knew that was a one-way road that didn't end well for anyone. "For the last time, we drove all the way out here so we're going to enjoy it how we can." He sighed and placed his hands on his hips, a sure sigh of battle fatigue."Now, look, there wasn't only The Park here," the capital letters can be heard like accents in the air "There's the beach, and the boardwalk down a bit. We can have a fine time." Like a general rallying his troops for a suicide mission, there was a palpable falseness in his voice; one that seemed to say "I don't like being here any more than the rest of you, but if we just put on our happy faces, then we'll be...just...fine." Dad led the small group back to even smaller car, with only room for four and no more. Timmy looked at the horizon, a blank canvas no longer filled with wheels and lights, the smell of heart disease and good times; a canvas now filled with a cold emptiness. The same emptiness he felt when he was wearing a shirt two sizes two big, or when his hair got chopped up by the 1$ Barber, or when there were no words to protect him from the monster under his bed or the nightmares in his head. The same emptiness he felt when his lunch consisted of nothing but a frozen juice box and lots of saltines. A wail hatched in his chest, wanting to fly out, to envelope the world in the loneliness and blackness in his heart, to make every person on the planet hear his pain. Timmy shut his eyes and counted to ten. A song played though his mind, suppressing the wail with a soft tenderness: Hush little baby, don't say a word, Mama's going to buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don't sing, Mama's going to buy you a diamond ring. The trio, now condensed in the car smelling of fast food and cigarettes, made their way onto the highway, away from the dismal beach and towards the boardwalk that held new hopes for Crissy and Dad. Timmy lost the song, and began to cry.



Chaos	Mar 15 2009, 01:34 PM Post #2
Master of the Chaotic Method Posts: 240 Group: Admins Member #1 Joined: Apr 1, 2008 Steam ID Katanoki	=( It's quite good. -It evokes the emotions I think you were aiming for. - The ending kinda just stops, leaving the reader kinda... "Wat?" - There are a few grammatical errors, but it's mostly fine.



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